Cracky Christmas to All And To All a Good Fic!
by Turn Back Now
Summary: The sequel to A Kitty's Equivalent To A Crack Fic! Amethystte, Sapphira, Deidara, and Hidan on Christmas! JOY! :D Thanks to xXGoody Not-So-Great MeXx for being such an awesome person and giving me inspiration to write this lovely little piece of crack.


**LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! This is Amethystte here and it's CHRISTMAS!!!!! :D So in honor of Christmas, the holiday of happiness, love, purity, and innocence, I wrote you all a crack fic! XD It's actually mainly dedicated to my bestest friend xXGoody Not-So-Great MeXx!!!!! :D Luv ya hon! This is for you and Sapphira! Oh, and for everyone else, chances are you won't get most of this unless you read xXGoody Not-So-Great MeXx's wonderful crack filled fanfic, beautifully titled, "A Kitty's Equivalent To A Crack Fic!" Go read it. Now. Before you even try to read this. You won't get half the shit in here if you don't. *Damn me for not knowing how to put links in here...* **

**Oh, and Goody, forgot to mention, I managed to squeeze some yaoi in their because you said you couldn't so I figured might as well. But there's het too, so… eh, I don't know… YES I KNOW I'M TWO DAYS LATE FOR CHRISTMAS! SHUT UP! And thanks for letting me make a sequel to the story too! X3 Joo mah beshtesht buddeh!**

**Oh, right, quick warning. There's lots of raunchy teenage-ness, plus two of the most violent, deranged, yet most adorable OCs you will ever read about in your gosh darned life! Oh, and the language. You never forget the language. Especially with these four. ;)**

**Anyway, I don't own Naruto and never will, and I don't own Amethystte or Sapphira either. They kind of own me because I lost a bet to Ame-chan and Goody kind of… gave me… to Sapphira. *Damn you bitch…………* NO I'M JUST KIDDING! Really Goody! Please put the whisk down! I dun want a Harry Potter scar!! DX LOL X3**

**What are you still doing up here? Get on with the story!**

* * *

Two girls, each with a suspicious object in their hands, crept quietly though a hallway one early morning, the taller of the two tripping over air and silently swearing her ass off because of it every five seconds. The shorter girl shushed her as they opened the door to the basement at the end of the hall.

Giggling noiselessly, they tiptoed down the stairs and through the basement until they approached two beds, each with a snoring figure in them. Actually, the one on the left was snoring three times as loud as a normal person would, as if he had two extra mouths. The one on the right was mumbling something about, "Jashin damned cupcakes…" in his sleep. **(AN: Lol dare you to guess who they is XD)**

The two girls looked at each other and nodded in the dim light, grinning evilly. The unknown objects suddenly became known as they switched them on and loomed over the other teenagers.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES!!!!!" They hollered in unison, shining a flashlight into the no-longer-sleeping eyes of Deidara and Hidan.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!" Hidan yelled, sitting up straight and bonkering his head on Sapphira's flashlight, falling dramatically to the ground before standing up to angrily attempt to strangle the bluenette, who just laughed and repeatedly hit him on the head with the purple glittery flashlight he bought for her birthday a few years back.

Deidara, however, just jolted awake and screamed rather shrilly, making the other three wonder if Hidan was in fact the only boy in the house.

Amethystte, the other girl, blinked. "Wow Dei Muffin, and I thought _I_ could scream." She admitted.

Sapphira suddenly turned to the slightly younger girl and hit her atop the head with the flashlight in similar fashion to what she was doing with Hidan, only not as much and not as painfully hard. "I'm the only one allowed to call Dei Muffin Dei Muffin." She hissed, then returned to giggling and trying to kill the jashinist with the shiny tool of death of brightness and horror, as she called it a time or two.

Thirty seconds passed while Hidan and Sapphira beat the shit out of each other and the other two watched, forgetting exactly why the girls had come down in the first place.

"Wait a minute!" Amethystte shouted after that thirty seconds had passed.

As if in a cartoon, the bluenette and the jashinist stopped fighting, his hands around her neck and her hands holding a pair of safety scissors near his crotch (Like _that's_ never happened before around that house "-.-), and they looked at the girl in confusion.

"Isn't it Christmas?" She questioned.

Sapphira's jaw dropped open. "YAAAAAY!!!!!!" She suddenly cheered, wrapping her arms around Hidan and hugging him tightly, snuggling cutely into his chest. He blushed slightly, dirty thoughts about said four year old—I mean nineteen year old… going through his head for the millionth time. She slapped him suddenly, as if reading his mind. "Bad Pervy Muffin!" She scolded, getting up and picking up Amethystte, who was loudly protesting.

"I'm not a kitty anymore! Put me down!" She demanded. Sapphira had gotten way too used to carrying her around as a kitten, even though she had only been one for not even three hours, plus the added fact that that had been over a week ago. But alas, the demented girl would not let down the screaming brunette and carried her all the way back to the living room, scratching behind her ears. How the 100 pound girl managed to hold her younger yet 115 pound friend whilst petting her like a cat was confusing, but Sapphira was Sapphira, no use arguing with that.

Deidara and Hidan looked at each other for a moment before the blond spoke.

"You better have remembered to girls' presents under the tree or we can consider ourselves officially women, un." He said, referring to last year where Amethystte and Sapphira had gone insane after Hidan had been a little late getting their Christmas presents and ended them both up in the ER, getting their… Ehem… you-know-what's… stitched back on…

Hidan nodded, smiling warmly for once when he heard excited squeals from above them, signaling that the girls had opened their gifts.

Deidara grinned and got up, following his boyfriend upstairs. Oh yeah, they were going out. Forgot to tell you, didn't I? They'd been secretly dating since two months ago, without either of the girls noticing. Actually, Amethystte was smarter than they took her for, and she was an avid yaoi fangirl, and had always suspected something going on between them. Sapphira was secretly smart too, just… not as often… Anyway, as for Hidan's usual actions towards Sapphira, let's just say that it was a good thing the basement was soundproof for some reason. When Hidan thought about it, he was actually shocked about that part. Amethystte was more than infatuated with yaoi, it's surprising she didn't peek around the corner and watch with her lavender camcorder mentioned in the authoresses' bestest friend's story.

Before the boys reached the top of the stairs, they heard said parent of the house start yelling her ass off again.

"OH SHIT NO! Sapphira! I don't care how pretty it is, how many times have I told you _NOT_ to set the sparkly tree ornaments on fire!" She screamed, frantic footsteps indicating she was looking for something to put it out.

Hidan cautiously peeked his head around the corner and saw Amethystte throwing a glass of eggnog at the tree. Why was he not surprised? Even if it _wasn't_ Christmas, and there wasn't anything that was actually _on fire_, that kind of behavior wasn't exactly unusual in this house. He rolled his eyes and stepped through the door frame, not realizing there was mistletoe under it until the brunette suddenly popped out of nowhere and kissed him briefly on the lips, pulling away with a large "MUAH!!!!!" And spinning off in a twirl of sugar plums and rainbows.

He twitched. As of now, he had locked lips with everyone in the house, though the kiss between he and Sapphira long ago was more of an evil trick.

_FLASHBACK TIME!!!! :D_

"Hidan, pass me that pack of gum over there?" Sapphira asked sweetly, pointing to the wintery colored pack of long-lasting mint gum.

The jashinist picked it up, opened it, and put the last piece in his mouth. He didn't know why he did that, he just loved pissing the girl off.

Sapphira just glared at him for a second before leaning towards him and staring into his violet eyes with her icy blue ones. "Hidaaaaaan…" She whined, half-closing her eyes seductively.

All he remembered after that was Sapphira's lips on his and the sudden lack of a piece of minty fresh gum from his mouth.

_END FLASHBACK!!!! :D_

"Fucking sneaky little bitch…." He mumbled, lost in the flashback.

Deidara took the dazed teenager's wrist and led him to the tree, sitting him down and putting a very badly wrapped present with his name on it in his lap. He raised a silver eyebrow and tried to read who it was from, only to find that whoever had written it either wrote their name on it during an earthquake, or happened to be a duck who was just intelligent enough to hold a purple crayon.

"Sapphira." He muttered, knowing that the girl couldn't even write her own name worth shit.

He opened it warily, because contrary to popular belief, Sapphira was in fact an evil genius. She also enjoyed torturing the jashinist on a daily basis, mainly using schemes that included him either getting almost or completely castrated.

However, when he opened the gift, he was stunned to see that there was a picture in it, drawn in crayon no doubt. It was of the four of them, and the colorful frame appeared to have a carved pattern of a mouth, the Jashin symbol, a lollipop, and a kitty all along the edges. The picture itself looked like it was drawn by a four year old. Their bodies were little more than squares with sticks drawn on for the arms and legs and the head was just a circle with hair and eyes. It was actually pretty cute. Amethystte, on the far left, was a Neko girl for some reason, and was holding hands with Sapphira, who had what appeared to be a lollipop in her mouth and was holding hands with Hidan, who was in turn holding hands with Deidara.

And then there was the fact that Deidara and Hidan had a little red-violet hearts drawn between them and above their heads.

He turned to the bluenette with a glare that dared her to say something, but she smiled innocently and tore open another present, one that Hidan had actually picked out for her.

She took one look at it and gave him the exact same stare. It was a book titled, "How To Not Be Stupid, For Complete Idiots" Turned out later that the only thing she would use it for was Frisbee with her ferret, Beyond, the deathly little animal demon who kept giving Amethystte suggestively naughty looks when she was turned into a kitty so many days ago.

When all the presents had been exchanged, most of Amethystte's being manga and cosplay accessories, a lot of Deidara's being play-doh in a vast array of colors, Sapphira's mainly being candy, mostly of the cherry lollipop variety, and more than half of Hidan's presents being beer (He bought all of that for himself), they went to eat breakfast!

Since Deidara was no longer allowed to cook due to several incidents with him ending up in maniacal laughter and yelling, "ART IS A BANG!!!!" when the stove blew up, and since Hidan was most likely to poison all of their breakfasts, _and_ since Sapphira was never allowed to play with anything that could explode or catch on fire in the first place (Like she even listened to Amethystte about that anymore) the brunette, who happened to be the (Pervy) mommy of the house, had to make them all pancakes.

_*After breakfast cause nothing interesting enough happened* Omnomnomnomnom…_

"Moooooommyyyyyy…." Sapphira groaned, lying on the floor on her back with her arms wrapped around her stomach. Three feet away, Deidara was laying on the ground in the same position as his blue haired friend.

"Moooooommyyyyyy…." The blond copied her.

"What do you want? And stop calling me that!" Amethystte snapped, leaning back on her chair and staring at the ceiling.

"My tummy box is going to exploooode…." She whined.

"Mine toooooo, un…" Deidara added.

"Good for you, sweetie." Amethystte answered blankly, stuffed from all the food.

"Wait, if she's mommy, then who's the daddy? Deidara?" Hidan wondered out loud. Well, Amethystte and Deidara _were _the most mature of the four after all.

"Beyond." Sapphira answered without any hesitation, surprising everyone.

Said ferret took that opportunity to jump on the table in front of Amethystte, the smuggest look in his red tinted eyes. The brunette picked him up with one hand and tossed him across the linoleum floor so that his ferret-ass slid all the way to the edge of the living room where he reached the carpet and fell over.

"You ain't letting' lucky today, Biyondi-chan." Amethystte said as Sapphira's pet scuttled away to mope in his secret base under the couch.

"I bet he would if he were a human." Hidan said, laughing a bit and trying to picture that.

They all sat in silence, an image of human Beyond with Amethystte creeping into all of their minds. **(AN: Lol Cookies for anyone who actually knows what he looks like!)**

"How old _is_ Beyond anyway, un?" Deidara asked his blue haired friend, breaking the quietness.

"In ferret years, about as old as all of us. So I guess that'd work. I mean, if Beyond was a human, he'd probably have a chance with Ame-kitty-chan for once, and then we'd all be one happy family and live in a shoe like the little old lady, except Ame-kitty-chan isn't an old lady, and we're not kids, and the shoe wouldn't smell like shoes and would be the size of a mansion and filled with cake and cookies and stuff like that, and Beyond and Ame-kitty-chan would get married and adopt us, even though we're all kind of older than Ame-kitty-chan, and then we'd become millionaires by starting a ramen based TV show, and then eventually reveal to the public that Beyond is actually a ferret and become even bigger celebrities when the press starts stalking us! It's genius and nobody will ever know! Speaking of potato chips, where'd you all go?" Sapphira was suddenly taking to air. Everyone else had fled to the living room in the middle of her rant.

"Freakin' bitches ditched me!" She muttered in disbelief and stood up, walking to the fridge to get her revenge, which included pelting Hidan with bananas. But not just any bananas, no, these were in fact… CHRISTMAS BANANAS! But these Christmas Bananas weren't _just_ Christmas Bananas! They were also… *Dramatic pause* CHRISTMAS BANANAS OF _DOOM_! Anyway, Sapphira picked up a couple of said Christmas Bananas of _Doom_! and crept toward the living room.

"Put the banana down, Sapphira. Now." Amethystte commanded from around the corner, not even looking towards the general direction of where the girl was.

She hadn't even put a toe past the arched doorway when she heard the brunette's voice.

"How the hell does that Ame-kitty-chan do that…" She muttered as she threw it across the room and skipped into the living room, sitting on Deidara's lap without any warning. "Hey Dei Muffin." She giggled.

Suddenly, Amethystte perked up. "Oh! Hidan! Forgot to give you something! Gr, where is it…" She started digging through her baggy pajama pants pockets, of which she seemed to have at least fifteen of. "Aha!" She finally exclaimed, pulling out a small square midnight blue box, about an inch thick. "It's from all of us. Open it and like it, or you die." She said sweetly.

Hidan blinked. Holy shit this girl is serious. He opened the box with the same caution he did with Sapphira's present. But he gasped and his eyes sparkled in joy when he saw it. It was a solid gold necklace, similar to his Jashin pendant. It was about two inches in diameter and was seriously made of gold, hanging from a shimmering golden chain. "Oh mah Jashin!" He squealed in a girly manner.

Sapphira suddenly burst into tears. "Why don't I get something shiny!?!?" She cried.

Deidara and Amethystte exchanged panicked looks as the bluenette almost flooded the living room, before Hidan merely sighed and calmly took off his old Jashin pendant and handed it to her, replacing it with the new gold one.

"WAAAA—Ooh!" She went from hysterical to ecstatic in a matter of a seconds, examining the shiny metal before putting half of it in her mouth and gnawing on it in chibi form, her face looking like this; X3.

And they all lived happily ever after, the en—

"WAIT!!" Sapphira shouted, rudely interrupting the narrator.

"What?" The narrator replied.

"We can't end the story before I try to kill Hidan!" She yelled, roughly yanking the silver haired teen into the screen.

"Er… okay…" The narrator shrugged and closed the story book to watch.

"NO! HELP ME!" Hidan cried as Sapphira held up her trusty safety scissors, named Bob in memory of a snail that Hidan killed on accident once upon a time ago.

The next scene is so horribly graphic that the authoress refuses to write it. Deal with it. Let's just say that even holidays won't excuse the jashinist from being sent to the ER to get his hoo-ha (As the authoresses' mother so elegantly put it) sowed back on for the millionth time.

Ok, _now_ the story's over. The end!

* * *

**And that, my friends, was a sequel to "A Kitty's Equivalent To A Crack Fic!". I hope you enjoyed it, because I had a lot of fun writing it. ^-^ It took me three days to write! I started on Christmas Eve, and I was hoping to have it up by the next day, but sadly, I was unable to finish because I had to go to my mom's house later that day, and the 26****th****, I had just lost all creativity then, so here we are today!**

**And Goody, you better have liked it or I'll be sad and I'll sic Sapphira on your ass. Nah, jk. I wouldn't really do that. You're liyke, mah beshtesht buddeh! I wouldn't let you be tortured by some insane figment of our imaginations! *She's not a figment of our imagination, she's standing right behind me, reading over my shoulder. HELP. ME.***

**Anyway, review, or I will in fact die. Thank you very much! I'm going to go watch some anime now and hope for nice reviews! And remember to read xXGoody Not-So-Great MeXx's story that goes with this as well! Buh bye!**


End file.
